Sunday, April 19, 2009

I Am Not A Failure

I am not a failure, but a human.
When I enjoy various aspects of humanity, I am not a failure.
Even if I don't enjoy various aspects of humanity, I am not a failure.
Or, I am a failure.
I can't quite know for sure. 
I believe I am not a failure, but I'm only guessing.
When I notice how human I am standing, let's say, in front of a window
and catching a faint reflection in the glass, I also notice
my status, as a failure or as not a failure.
When I consider my status I often have second thoughts.
One thought: failure. Another thought: not failure.
As a human, determined to stay so, I often don't consider
myself human. Instead, I look at myself as a graph or a record
for what might have been a human.
I am an inadequate but passable record keeper.
As for records, I spin on a turntable in a failure like way,
with the skipping and the warping.
As for my non-failure, it is beautiful and not a failure.
It is very, very enjoyable. I like not failing.
I'm even a fan of positive reinforcement.