There Are _______ in the Afternoon

Here is bleak
despite spring
and the absence of
hardship. A sort
of mushy roast beef
on doughy bread.
In blankets of mayo, am
greasy, am sitting inside
my stomach
melting there.
Am telling myself
hey, lighten up
but it's hard here. There
is no ________.
The same bullshit
in a magazine
or at middle
school. The shit
in _____.