The Facts

Turkeys enjoy torture.
They are adept at waterboarding
and hooding. They are experts
at sleep deprivation and leaving
white lights on all the time.
Turkeys like attaching electric
batteries to people's genitalia.
Turkeys also like genocide.
If you are interested in genocide,
or torture, you should
become friends with a turkey
who will stay up late telling you
torture and genocide stories.
Turkeys like genocide because
they like exterminating entire groups
of people. They like how the mass
graves fill up with people and so
all the extra dirt has to go somewhere
and they always make a giant hill
so that in winter they have a good
place to go sledding. Also, they like
the smell of stuff burning. Turkeys
feel like genocide brings them together.
They all feel more friendly and warmer
and TV shows get better because
everyone feels like family.